Category: family

Mental pictures of Summer 2019

kburns88Leave a comment

In the last week, Levi has gotten more creative in how he wakes me up in the morning. Of course, he wakes up at his normal time between 5-6:30am because our work schedule had him conditioned to wake up at this time and drink his morning bottle before diaper change and loading the car on our way to GiGi’s so mommy and daddy can go to work. No one told Levi that summertime meant he didn’t have to wake up between 5-6:30am. However, I am happy to say that he has learned summertime means that after that morning bottle he snuggles up with me and usually we fall blissfully back to sleep for a couple more hours. So the creative wake ups are the ones post snuggle. This week he has pulled the sheets back to give me a raspberry, he has ‘got my nose’, and he has stuck his finger in my ear. Although I have no idea where he learned the latter, I was tickled at his goofy and playful approach to waking me. I am typically more of a grouch than a morning person but playing with my little man is definitely the best part of waking up.

Father’s Day weekend we enjoyed swimming, ping-pong, croquet, and brisket at GiGi and Papa’s house.

At the end of June, we took Levi ‘camping’ at my Grandma’s by pitching a tent in her lakeside front yard. We had a blast despite many mosquito bites. Levi enjoyed crawling in the grass and chasing the dogs and cat, even while he was feeling under the weather. It feels like Levi has had a virus every month for most of the last six months. The doctors say it is normal and nothing to worry about but I have decided I hate viruses because there is no medicine or way to help, we are told just to ‘wait it out’ and ‘let it takes it course.’ Which, as any parent knows, leaves you feeling utterly helpless while your baby is in pain.

For July 4th, Nate drove to Midland to see his Dad and Ross and the girls. Levi and I stayed home and Rachel came to spend the week with us. Nate and Ross popped off lots of fireworks with the girls and Nona and Pa. Rachel, Levi and I went to my parents house to swim and watch fireworks over the lake. It was really a precious week for us and for Nate. We are going to Odessa in a few weeks together to help his Dad get the house ready to eventually sell and move.

This past weekend we drove to Granbury to visit my friend Amanda and her family who actually live in Montana and only get to come to Texas once or twice a year. They didn’t come down last year because she was pregnant with Finley so it had been an extra long time since I had hugged their necks. And I hadn’t met baby Finley yet who is now 7 months and already crawling everywhere and pulling herself up! We also got to see my cousin Chris who just moved to Granbury with his wife and kiddos. His wife and kiddos were in Dallas this weekend for her nephews birthday party so we only saw Chris but we had a good time hanging out. Levi loved playing with Chris. And with Amanda’s daughters. We also got to hang with Rachel who lives an hour from there. It was a nice little getaway and we have really enjoyed getting to take some trips this summer.

Levi still isn’t walking on his own but he has stayed standing more often by himself and for a little longer each time. He has 9 teeth now! He is 22 pounds and 31 inches long. Also, he is starting to look a little chunkier since being on regular whole milk and solid foods, no more Nutramigen formula. He loves meat by itself (no gravy, sauce or condiments of any kind), potatoes, fruits, chips, bread, some veggies and especially loves chocolate.

Today, he showed us he can climb DOWN the stairs! It was pretty crazy! We haven’t taught him to climb down like that so it was very cool. He loves climbing on anything and everything. He likes to pretend to type on the laptop and shut it really quickly when he sees me coming lol. He is strong and loves to push the heavy wooden kitchen chairs all around. He loves watching signing time while eating breakfast and getting his patch time in in the morning. He also enjoys sesame street, word party, and pocoyo when I’m trying to get house chores done. When we are watching TV he likes to turn off and on the Xbox or the TV with the buttons on the devices themselves or with the remotes. He loves remotes and controllers. Last night he showed us he knows how to open ALL our doors, they all have handles instead of knobs so he has really enjoyed being able to open successfully on most of his attempts. We are definitely into the get into everything phase but it is hilarious and fun. Tonight he also made the most hilarious little excited screech. He was eating a few bites of brownie from Nate while sitting in between us on the couch. When he turned my direction and realized I also has brownie he let us his little excited screech realizing there was MORE chocolate haha. He is definitely my kid.

I love how cuddly he is! He really enjoys hugs and loving on each other, and even just cuddling whenever, wherever. I am cherishing all this sweet affection even more because I know one day he will be ‘too cool’ and ‘too big’ to cuddle with his mama.

Hopefully next week we will make it to the splash pad for Levi’s first time.

A WHOLE YEAR of a whole new world!

kburns88Leave a comment

Levi turned one on Friday! We had his Marvel-ous 1st birthday party (Avengers theme of course) at our home on Saturday. I can’t believe it has been a year already. He is growing and changing so fast. The time is flying by right before my eyes. Much too fast. And so wonderful at the same time. He shows his personality so much more now and he is learning and changing every day. He has been pulling up for a little while now and walking along the edge of the couch. Last night, he picked his hands up and stood by himself, only for half a second, twice, but still. He is experimenting with anything and everything he can get his hands on. Except his smash cake, he wasn’t happy about experimenting with that haha.  The way he looks at me and his Daddy is definitely the best thing ever. I am holding him so tight and cherishing all these moments of him wanting and needing us because I know, all too soon, it won’t be cool to go to Mommy when he is upset or tired, it won’t be cool to tell me about his day, it won’t be cool to check in so I don’t worry, it won’t be cool to live at home past 18, and the list goes on. I am soaking up his laughter and hugs and kisses and even the hair pulling. Yes, it hurts. Yes, he holds my hair likes the reins on a horse. But, right now he still wants Mommy to take him around and he doesn’t care where we go or what we do as long as he is with me. That is insanely precious. He is so loving and kind. Lately, his favorite thing at mealtime is sharing his food, sometimes even before it has gotten soggy lol. He cuddles with me even when he isn’t tired or sad. He lets me hold him and squeeze him. He laughs at my jokes. And he has my slapstick humor!!!! So awesome! Seriously, I know there are many awesome and wonderful things yet to come as he grows and learns but right now, it is pretty dang cool. Right now, he wants to snuggle in our bed at night. Right now, he wakes us up by sitting up and drumming both hands on our bodies. Right now, he chases us around the house in a speed crawl. Right now, he relishes climbing up his slide, doing flips with Daddy, and swinging around. And I am soaking it all up because he will never be this young again.

Sparking joy instead of “angry cleaning”

kburns88Leave a comment

I started the break with the best of intentions. Plans to clean house, play with my son, spend time with family and apply for jobs. As is typical when faced with more time than usual, time disappeared faster than usual.

We had my father-in-law in town the entire first week of break and then we drove to Odessa that Friday to bring him home as well as spend New Years weekend visiting with our friends. While my father-in-law was in town, I was able to get some cleaning done but with holiday festivities, packing for a trip (our first with our 8 month old son) and trying to entertain him and my baby, the week flew by. New Years weekend was a whirlwind of visiting with friends and family from back home that we don’t get to see often enough. When we got back January 1st, knowing my hubby was supposed to go back to work the next day we tried to soak up the last evening of his holiday break. I convinced my grandma to come in town on January 2nd to stay for a few days and play with my son while I attempted to clean house. That morning, while waiting for her to arrive I began watching “Tidying Up.” This was a blessing and a curse, for as anyone who watches the show has seen, you must first bring everything out. Sorting, throwing out, categorizing and putting everything away takes much longer than getting it all out. So my house is still a mess. Most of it is an organized, work in progress, mess that will be much better by the end of the month. And even though the house is nowhere near finished and currently looks worse than before, I have already begun to feel a sense of calm. My husband agrees he does as well. We have begun to be excited about the space we have and all the things we can do with it. We rearranged our living room, which has made everything feel so much more open already. This week we will rearrange our bedroom and next the front room. We have also already sorted all of my son’s and hubby’s clothes and the kitchen (except the pantry.) We already have several huge bags full of donations and carted off three huge bags full of trash.

Even though I did not get around to applying for a single job, I feel I was productive and purposeful over the break. We even had time to go to the Cowboys v Seahawks playoff game!!!! Which was AMAZING! I may not have accomplished all I intended, but I am proud of how we spent our time.

Marie Kondo mentioned “joy” a lot in her show “Tidying Up.” I have a special fondness for this word, as it is my maiden name.  Despite my familiarity and fondness, using the word to describe tidying, cleaning, or any other form of house work was new to me. I had never thought before about how to enjoy the tasks or how to approach decluttering with anything but nostalgia and procrastination. In my house, we have often “angry cleaned” more than regular cleaned. The dishes and laundry often pile too high and live in various states of progress. I have never found enjoyment in house work before. But by being intentional about what objects we keep in our home and how they make us feel, I am beginning to feel calm and joy more often and worry a lot less.

Precious moments

kburns88Leave a comment

A close friend told me I wouldn’t remember many memories of Levi in these first several months. When I mentioned that to my mom she agreed she didn’t have many memories of the first several months of mine or my sisters lives either. I have been thinking about this almost daily since it was first mentioned to me a few weeks ago. Not being able to recall this crucial, life changing time, these precious moments as our family has grown and we begin to get to know our amazing son. This idea is both frustrating and disheartening.

We prayed for and waited for our little man to arrive for what seemed like a very long time. To think now that he is here we won’t be able to soak up, cling tight, and think back on each little blessing and new milestone.

I couldn’t accept this. I decided to rack my brain on how I can remedy and prevent this in order to make sure I know, I remember, I don’t forget. I think the only possible solution I can find is to right it all down. I know that in a way this is kind of like snapping a picture. While it is great to capture that moment, once you do you won’t really truly know if it is your real and raw memory you are thinking back on or if the words or pictures are what you know and the actual moment is forgotten. So that is why I don’t love this solution. Because I’m scared it would amount to me brain dumping the memories and then losing them out of my brain because I have unloaded them to paper. However, not knowing, not remembering, forgetting all together seems wholly worse.

So I intend to write as much as I can as often as I can so that the memories won’t disappear and be lost forever.

The only other solution I am attempting, in addition, is to think back on the last day, last week, last month when I pause in the breaks of my day. Pause to see what I can recall. And hope that by recalling these precious moments repeatedly I can force them into the long term storage cabinet in my brain. Force them into a wall of milestones like a gallery I can visit anytime. I can’t tell yet if this is working to make the memories last but I can tell you that recalling the sweet moments of the last day or week makes the present even brighter. Especially when I’m at work and unable to see his silly smile in person.

Yesterday we got him to have a giggle fit by tickling his sides. Every day he is soothed by the Old MacDonald song. Last week he spewed his sweet potatoes out a little and when some landed on my face it brought all of us into a giggle fit. Sunday night my mom got him giggling by sounding like the vampire on Hotel Transylvania “blah de blah” and he has continued to laugh at that sound. Probably because after the above mentioned sweet potato incident he got a bath and Nate had him laughing while making pretend barfing noises as he got him ready for the bath. As you can tell, I have cherished the giggles especially lately because they are one of his newer milestones, especially getting him to do them consistently. Sammi said she got him to giggle by tickling him under the armpits. He smiles wide when Nate kisses the back of his neck. He likes pulling my hair and has quite the strong grip. The last two nights we have read him “Obi-1-2-3” a Star Wars counting book and he has loved it, especially the pictures. He falls asleep best to Amazing Grace but we have been throwing in a few other lullabies and even Silent Night lately. He loves watching videos, especially if himself or other babies. He likes taking selfies and face-timing, while trying to grab the phone and eat it. We have bought him a few different Halloween outfits this year and I’m excited to see how he likes wearing his Yoda hat. Grandma bought him a plush Goofy with the book to go with it like she did with other characters when my niece was little. He loves it, mostly because he can try to eat Goofy’s face. He is chewing on more stuff lately and drooling more. I hope that means we get to see some adorable front teeth soon. He likes eating vegetables but likes playing with them more, so far the only one he doesn’t like is peas lol. Today he is asleep in my arms, using his arms to wrap around me on both sides like he is giving me a hug… this is his favorite way to sleep, perhaps because it is my favorite too.

I love all these little moments. I do hope I can remember them as time passes. In the meantime, I’m trying to soak in the gift that is the present.

Finding love later in life

kburns88Leave a comment

Some people think my husband and I met “later in life” because we met at 28 and 27, respectively. I’ll admit that based on the experiences of most of those around me in my hometown, most of whom met their significant other in high school, it does seem later.

I think about sometimes how much older we will be when Levi, our son, reaches certain ages. Like the fact that we will both be almost 50 when he graduates high school. But, this is in part because I was blessed to have very young parents. I know they would tell others to take their time and I know that they sometimes wish they had been a little more grown up before but I love having young parents. My mom and Dad are just now turning 50 this year! While I am 30! How cool is that? They still have so much energy and youthfulness. They definitely aren’t the physical type you would think of when you think of a grandparent. They are both still very wise and physically active. I am so grateful that they are still “with it” and I can count on them for advice and wise counsel.

Finding my husband a little “later in life” did mean many positive things for us in that we had each matured more and been through many humbling and growing experiences. This allowed us to really appreciate what we found when we found each other. We have even joked that we know now why it took so long for us to meet- we needed that time to grow into who we are now. We are good for each other. He worries when I am calm and vice versa. He cooks and I occasionally clean. He can find a fix for almost anything and I can accidentally break almost anything. He finds solution when I find bugs lol. He will teach Levi all about bugs, dirt, cars, and not being afraid to fall. I will hold Levi tight and pray I can shield from pain, even though I know I can’t.

I think it is extraordinary how you can spend nearly three decades without someone, as Nate and I did. And then when you find each other you can no longer imagine your life without them. Even for one day. Even when you drive each other crazy. Even when you are both sleepy or hangry. Even when you are both lazy or one of you is rage cleaning. You can no longer picture a you without them beside you. And you don’t want to.

My Grandma and her man recently to get hitched legally! They did an informal, not legally binding, ceremony with family a couple years ago. But to many people, with age and previous marriages, there becomes less logic in actually legally marrying. My grandpa passed away 6 years ago. I still miss him and wish he could be here for many of the small moments. However, I can plainly see that David is so very good for my Grandma. They take good care of each other, which is even more needed with age. They make each other very happy. She is lighter and more filled with laughter when he is around. So I am very happy for her. I know even though their paths took many years to find their way to one another- they will have a wonderful road ahead, together.

I was trying to find a poem for them and was having a lot of trouble so I decided to write one and my hubby, Nate even helped me 🙂

Two winding roads

Now merged as one.

I would forget the years

We couldn’t share together

Just to make room

For new ones forever.

We will hold each other tight,

Cherishing sunset boat rides

And long talks late at night.

I won’t let go,

Even when memory fades,

I will still know

By your side I remain.

I found you later in life,

My youth is gone,

But laughter holds tight.

With you the days aren’t long,

With you it feels right.

You take care of me

And I take care of you.

Grateful after all this time,

We pulled the trigger,

And now you’re mine.

Our hearts forever intertwined.

Rest

kburns88Leave a comment

I try to abide.
My nails bitten off
Show I cannot hide.
Stress, frustrations
Beatings from all sides.

Showered, fed, straight to bed.
Exhaustion demands,
No other master.
House disaster.
Hanging by a thread
Til pillow meets head.

Awaken too soon,
At least it is to his little smile.
To me, he hung the moon.
My first born, my baby boy.
He is my high every day,
he brings us so much joy.

Drained of all energy,
Leaving my job sounds tempting.
How else can I hold on to me?
But I wasn’t raised on quitting.

How does anyone balance?
The all consuming brain of motherhood
With everything else?
Nothing else stands a chance.

Only this matters.
Only our family,
And our marriage.

Priorities have shifted.
But if I don’t let go
Of all this strain
The crushing weight will never be lifted.

I don’t want to miss
His first word,
Crawl and step.
I know I am losing moments
That can’t be replaced.
No paycheck,
No good work,
Could mean more
Than seeing him grow.
If I’m not there enough,
Will he even know?
I’m his mommy,
But is that what our time shows?

Feels like we get very little
Time
And only one chance.

It all comes down to this-
What I once gave to willingly,
Was devoted to without question,
It…. it can no longer have
All my time and attention.

I am going rogue because
there has to be a balance.
A way to not feel-
Like I’m ripped apart.
When I started in this profession
It was truly from my heart-
To serve and help and teach-
A love of learning
Is always within reach.

I know these students are worthwhile,
They need someone to see past grades
And how they perform on tests.
They need teachers who believe in them
And they deserve the very best.
But this mommy has to give it a rest.

Food tastes better when you share it with family

kburns88Leave a comment

I remember the way Nanny used to tell me everything was chicken so that I would eat it. My favorite dish chicken fried steak had to be chicken because… I liked it… and it had chicken in the name. I was so certain of this and she wanted me to eat it so she let me believe it.

My dad and some of our close friends still make fun of me for my limited appetite. My taste buds have evolved only slightly since then but my favorite foods and favorite memories are because I shared them with the people I love.

My nanny’s sugar cookies that we loved to help her make have now turned into a Christmas tradition. My sister and mom even made them for our gender reveal. I also remember her famous pound cake sprinkled with powder sugar- I canNOT exaggerate how amazing it was.

My dad and mom waking up early to make us a full birthday breakfast each year; eggs, sausage, toast, the works. On non-birthday mornings Dad would sometimes make us toaster strudel with the icing drawn in the shape of a heart or smiley face. I remember Nanny and Papa’s breakfast always outdoing any others though- full spread of biscuits, sausage, gravy, soft scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and the jellies and jams to go with it.

Chuy’s and Rosa’s are some of our favorite places to eat Tex-mex and I have no doubt that a huge part of the reason is because we have always gone with family and friends. They represent a common interest, conversation shared over a hearty meal. My niece tasted a lime at Chuy’s and the giggles it ensued resulted in one of my favorite pictures of her with my parents. At Rosa’s, Nate, Kaitlin, Lilly and Clara all like to eat their tortillas with honey; a sweet, messy treat that always end in laughter.

Nate loves to go on about Nona’s brisket rub, suck it up buttercup bbq sauce, her infamous snickerdoodle cookies that never live longer than a day, and her jalapeno coleslaw that accompanies homemade pulled pork sandwiches.

My favorite meals are all made by my mom and she is sweet to still make them for me just because she knows how much I enjoy them- brisket and potatoes, chicken wreath, and our own spin on chicken noodle soup. All of these are so comforting and make me feel so cared for. Most people complain about how picky I am but mom never does. She never gives me a hard time about it. She just makes sure there is something yummy for me to eat. When we have family gatherings she makes sure there are sides and desserts I like too.

Each week at our small group we rotate bringing ‘snacks’ that have evolved into a meal for awhile now. I think this is because it feels good to serve each other and we like being able to sit down and share our praises and prayers over good food.

I have heard it pointed out that desserts spelled backwards is stressed. I think stress could be prevented, instead of reacted to, if more people adopted my Uncle Dickey’s old philosophy on eating dessert first because you never know what will happen.

Our family doesn’t get together weekly except for church on Sunday. We have all grown up and moved out and started our own families. So, as you can imagine, time flies by rather quickly and before we know it we haven’t gotten together in a couple months. However, mom and dad always make sure we get together for every holiday, birthday and special occasion to break bread together, maybe go for a swim or play a board game or two.

I know it is easy to let life and it’s busy demands keep you from sitting down together as a family for meals. Nate and I have had this discussion many times, not even from being too busy but that he wants to gather at the table and I think my living room recliner is much more comfortable. I know we are together and we make an effort to turn off the tv and phones and distractions to focus on each other. This is what is important.

I heard a suggestion that when you go out to dinner with friends everyone should place their phone in the middle so that you can focus on each other and being present in the moment. The humorous rule to help motivate everyone was that the first person to check their phone picked up the bill.

I don’t know what sharing a meal together looks like for you and your loved ones but I hope you make time and do so often.

 

My Nanny- brighter than all the sunflowers

kburns88Leave a comment

My mom got me thinking about my Nanny today. Levi was laying on the floor babbling and looking straight up, even kinda had his head tilted back some, like he was looking at something specific but there was nothing physically above him. Mom said she likes to think when he does this he is talking to Nanny.

Nanny graduated to her home in heaven in December 2017. We all still miss her terribly and think of her often. When she passed, my Papa, her husband, was in such poor health that  we all focused on helping him get better and helping him cope. For me, I also wanted to honor that the experience was harder for my Papa because she was his better half, his best friend and they had been married almost 60 years, which is twice as long as I have been alive. I knew it was harder for my mom and dad because this was their mom, their encourager, prayer warrior and biggest fan. So I think I put a lot of the grief in a box like the pictures we were sorting through, something I could find later when we had more time, something I couldn’t deal with while keeping it together for those who were hurting so much more than me. I think this is a natural feeling when family passes away, everyone trying to be strong for one another and setting aside some of how they feel so that the logistics can be handled. Before you know it, 9 months have passed.

I figured it is time that I write some things about my time with this amazing woman I got to call my Nanny. I want to write these memories down for 2 reasons- 1 it is therapeutic, 2 they will be here to share with my children and my niece when my memory has failed to hold onto them tightly enough.

Nanny was so creative. She had homemade decorations and crafts all over her entire home. Mostly puzzles that she and Papa had put together, glued and set in frames that Papa built. Lots of other unique decorations too, like tires, painted to look like birds, that swung from the trees in the backyard. Handmade quilts that multiple family members had put together, she even helped me make one for Kaitlin before she was born. Birdhouses out back that Papa built and Nanny painted. We had done many wood projects with her and Papa when we were little, painting them while wearing Nanny’s old t-shirts. My dad and his siblings even recall her sewing and making all their clothes and costumes when they were kids.

She had pictures of family on nearly every wall and definitely in every room. There was no question that her family were the most important people to her.

She loved tending to her flower garden in front and helping Papa with the vegetable garden in back. They would sit on the back porch in their swinging seats watching the birds come to the feeders. She especially loved butterflies and even decorated her whole dining room in them. The living room was Thomas Kinkade puzzles and her turtles everywhere. The kitchen covered in sunflowers. The guest bath was Odessa High themed for almost my entire life but she redecorated after Kara graduated (her last grandbaby to join the ranks of proud Bronchos.) She passed the OHS bathroom decorations on to me since I started teaching there soon after. Her master bath was seashells and beach themed. She always said it was so she could think of the pieces of her heart in Florida. In the back bedroom she would fold a towel like an animal, the way they do on the cruises, and she had a towel monkey, orangutan I think, hanging from the curtain rod. Books in every room. She put so much care into every detail. She always made everyone feel welcome in her home.

She always kept ice cream and treats around. She always made big meals with all the fixins. After I was grown, she loved having me over for dinner and just hanging out at the table together. Afterwards, we would all go to the living room to watch a movie or a couple episodes of TV before the nightly 10 o’clock news. Then back to the table for a game of rummikub. Such sweet time together.

I know it is my hope that one day I will have a warm home to welcome grandkids and extended family, like Nanny always did. I know Nanny and Papa were never rich. I know many things were re-purposed or re-imagined, and so much was used and patched until it couldn’t last a second longer. Frugal she called it. And she was so brilliant at it and so content in it. She never mentioned longing for things she did not have, at least not to me. I think the most clear example of her frugal abilities was the carpet in the bedroom- a patchwork of discarded, found carpet squares that rightfully appeared like it belonged in the 70’s.

Even more than the incredible, welcoming home she built was the way she always made me feel. I can’t even recall a time she was ever mad at me or mean to me. I don’t recall her ever losing her temper. Now I do want to clarify I know no one is perfect. However, Nanny was pretty dang close. She loved so fiercely everyone that belonged to her. It is inspiring and I will try to honor her by doing the same.

I love you, Nanny. We all miss you. I do hope you are getting to watch Levi from heaven. I know he would have loved to meet you. I know you couldn’t wait to meet him. He knows you love him and I promise to always remind him. Thank you for raising such a wonderful man in my Daddy. I can never repay you for what an impact that has made in my life. He is much like you. So patient, so kind, so accepting. Thank you for being such a loyal, loving wife to Papa. I know now what an art form marriage is and you always handled it with such care.

I don’t think anyone of us measure up to you but I’m so grateful you set such a high bar for us all.

nannys creation